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Posts Tagged ‘procrastination’

(Been so long, forgot you were here, forgot myself, but I was found.)

I live

vicariously

through you.

You paint, I plan to

You exercise, I jot it in my calendar

You apply, I bookmark

You do, I create to-dos

You cook, I survive

You clean, I manage

You are awake.

I sleep.

You live your life.

I strive to pause it,

for a moment,

to make sense of it all,

after which,

to begin

Living.

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worries lead to insomnia,

stress leads to worries,

procrastination leads to stress,

fear leads to procrastination,

fear (of failing) leads to perfectionism,

personality leads to fear of failing,

upbringing leads to fear of failing,

conditioning leads to fear of failing,

biology leads to fear of failing,

fear exists at that vortex where nature and nurture met each other happily,

all of this leads to that charcoal black hole called depression,

depression leads to suicidal ideations,

suicidal ideations lead to fantasies of escape (and nowhere else),

Unconditional acceptance from you brings me back to facing my fears,

facing my fears allows me to stop hiding,

to Be.

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