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Posts Tagged ‘cat’

Billoo is my love, my sweetie, my guddu, my baby, my darling. I miss her dearly, her soft paws, her meows which were more like a baby’s wail, how she’d wake me up in the morning, that first night when she pulled my hand with her paw and pressed it against her belly to show me how she liked it at night-time, how she’d curl up between the two of us on our bed and claim the space as her own (“waaiiyy-ing if we accidentally brushed her), her curiousity and intelligence. I say “is” because she isn’t here in her body anymore, but that energy transformed itself into another life, her energy is still here in this Universe. Miss you, gudda.

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I can feel her slipping away,

she stumbles,

vomits,

weakens,

slows down,

thins down.

My heart is exploding with the sheer amount of grief it tries to contain.

Is it time to let her go, peacefully, quietly, snuggled into my lap, painlessly?

Is it time to help her in her suffering?

Is she suffering?

I can’t hold onto her, I know it, I feel it, I believe it.

My incessant attachment is the root cause of my tears, heaving, pain, sorrow, grief –

my suffering.

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