Archive for August, 2008


The Buddha called it “sloth” . I have no energy, I want to contract not expand, I want to hide not show. I don’ t have the means to move, I want to lie down, curl up. I want to disappear. I want to dream.

I need to get up. I need to get moving. I need to be active.

I try, I try.

Read Full Post »

Cherry blossoms bloom in spring

Cherry blossoms bloom in spring

Spring is now gone. Summer has brought with it an abundance of sunshine, yet I long for the fleeting moments when cherry blossoms bloom. Spring. Printemps. A brief opening of the red-pink flowers, a taste of heaven, a taste of love.

More flowers bloom in spring.

More flowers bloom in spring.

Read Full Post »

A decision. Need time away from him and us. The “us” is falling apart. It’s all uphill, and contempt abounds. Need to figure out how to earn a living then move out, even if temporarily. This is no way to be in a marriage. Too explosive. Need/want a bubble of peace, time, quietness, serenity, and breathing space.

No more on the edge, unsure. Now, this is a difficult decision, but needs to happen.

Read Full Post »

He is oh so busy lately, sleeping not till 2 am, with work, his mom, lunches, vedic astrology, outings. No time for me, to talk to me.

And the one I live with swings between anger and lust and friendship. I feel tired around his energy.

I want to curl up and sleep a dreamless, content sleep.

I am so aimless, where is this life heading? I want to run away. Start over.

Sadness is creeping over me while I’m waiting for the medicine to do its’ thing.

Much metta to me, to all tonight.

Read Full Post »

Did you know that one little pill can make me happy?


little white chemicals, more serotonin in my brain,

less sadness in my heart,

more smiles,

less moments of feeling overwhelmed.

If I forget those little chemicals,

I drop into a pit of depression.

Spinning around with loneliness, aimless, anger, melancholy.

I bought my pill.

I’ll be ok.

I am ok.

I am.

Read Full Post »