Anicca

Curled up at my feet in a ball of grey you sleep. There was that time when she did, too. If there is a Truth in this life it is anicca. She left that body and left an imprint of her presence on my heart. Will you? Note: ‘Anicca’ is the Pali language word for [...]

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Depression hurts

Two words, one phrase, one reality, one life in those two little words. Here, in the city I live in, someone I knew well, was found shot, dead at her home two nights ago. A murder-suicide they call it. Husband/dad shot and killed wife/mother and son, nine years old. He was depressed. Maybe hopeless, hurting, [...]

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Secret desire

I have a little secret desire. No one knows it. No family, no friends, no virtual friends, not my therapist, nor my Dr. I will tell you what it is though, gentle reader. Here it is: I want to melt into oblivion. I want this Life to end, I also want this Death to end, [...]

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Come back

When I walk past the deck door, I still glance out through the glass and look for my baby. Is she waiting by the door pawing at it? Does she want to be let in? Is she waiting patiently? It was me who took her to the vet more than six months ago to end [...]

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Paddy paws

My baby is gone. The dam is threatening to burst. I build it higher and higher with any other distraction I can muster up. Her touch, her eyes, her mischief, her baby meows, her soft paddy paws. What is on the other side of the dam? What is it holding back? Maybe grief that will [...]

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Death and Dying::Holding on and Letting Go

I can feel her slipping away, she stumbles, vomits, weakens, slows down, thins down. My heart is exploding with the sheer amount of grief it tries to contain. Is it time to let her go, peacefully, quietly, snuggled into my lap, painlessly? Is it time to help her in her suffering? Is she suffering? I [...]

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